Pain

How do you deal with pain?  I don't deal well.  Everything kind of starts to turn dark, the light in life becomes obscured, and it becomes very difficult to see anything remotely positive. 

I have chronic (almost) daily migraines.  I'm still figuring out how to deal with that one - it's an endless loop of pain engulfed in doctor-imposed bureaucracy and I often feel like I am drowning in the middle of doctor-crap.

Today has nothing to do with migraines though.  I don't know what it is; maybe an unseen laceration in my mouth somewhere?  There doesn't seem to be anything obvious - Yobo has looked with a flashlight & couldn't see anything.  There's a whole lot of referral pain, can't pinpoint exact location of initiating pain.  It doesn't hurt as bad in the morning, but the pace of the pain shoots up exponentially in the afternoon and the destination is Crazy Pain Town and I can't get off the damned train.  This is Day 2.  I've never really had a dental emergency before, but I'm beginning to think this may constitute one.  I can't sleep - all I can think about is how bad my mouth/head feel.  It's all consuming.  It's 2am.  I quit smoking 3 years ago, but I would totally be chain smoking right now if I had any cigarettes.  Oh my.  I would LOVE to smoke right now.  Thank goodness it's past 2am & I'm in enough pain that I can barely see straight, much less drive straight, right?

I was in bed, but was keeping Yobo up, so I came into the office.  I can't sleep anyway, might as well not keep him from sleeping either.  I turned on the computer, checked my email, and discovered this little nugget of wisdom from Tiny Buddha "Embracing Pain: Life's Gifts Often Come Wrapped in Sandpaper," with this headlining quote: " “The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow.” ~Unknown   Oh my goodness.  I love Tiny Buddha, but the timing of that email makes me want to punch someone in the face.  Well, maybe it's purpose was to make me feel better.  I guess, by reading this part (below), I kind of do...

“How did you get so wise?” My friend’s voice on the other end of the telephone line was genuinely curious.

I took a moment to think, wanting to be just as sincere in my response as she was in her inquiry. I felt the words climb up from the depths of my heart and ride a breath of truth as they passed through my lips.

“I cry a lot,” I finally responded.

I must be a super wise(ass) old owl then!  P.S. Curiosity killed the cat.  See where I'm at?  Not being very optimistic.  Or curious.  Arg.  I'll go back & re-read those articles tomorrow.  Maybe they'll be better in the morning.

OK, now, before I end up saying something incredibly improper, I need to go do some less productive things online, like troll crafting blogs for all the wonderful ideas of things I will rarely actually make.

It's really hard to not be super bitchy right now.  Thankfully, everyone else is asleep.


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!Update!


It's about 530am now.  Still in sucky pain, but in better spirits.  Trollin' the interwebnets for the win!


This one showed up in my Google Reader as "Hey, You.  Whatever you might be struggling through or striving for, keep it up.  You are doing a good job."  Well, thank you.  I needed that at that exact moment & that was quite lovely indeed.

And then I read this one & I could just feel her love oozing out of every word & it felt good.  Thank you for sharing these moments.  

And!  Apparently I was up for a reason.  The Moose just woke up crying... I really hope it doesn't smell funny in there.